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To My Loving Wife
A couple from Minneapolis
decided to go to Florida for a long weekend
to thaw out during one particularly icy winter.
Because both had jobs,
they had difficulty coordinating their travel schedules.
It was decided that the husband would fly to Florida on a Thursday,
and his wife would follow him the next day.
Upon arriving as planned,
the husband checked into the hotel.
There he decided to open his laptop and send his wife an e-mail back in Minneapolis.
However,
he accidentally left off one letter in her address,
and sent the e-mail without realizing his error.

In Houston,
a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.
He was a minister of many years who had been
'called home to glory'
following a heart attack.
The widow checked her e-mail,
expecting messages from relatives and friends.
Upon reading the first message,
she fainted and fell to the floor.
The widow's son rushed into the room,
found his mother on the floor,
and saw the computer screen which read:


To: My Loving Wife
From: Your Departed Husband
Subject: I've Arrived!I've just arrived and have checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
(P.S. Sure is hot down here!)




Top Ten Ways to Freak Out Your Roommate
10) Collect potatoes.
Paint faces on them and give them names.
Name one after your roommate.
Separate your roommate's potato from the others.
Wait a few days,
and then bake your roommate's potato and eat it.
Explain to your roommate,
"He just didn't belong."

9) Move everything to one side of the room.
Ask your roommate if he knows how much an elephant weighs,
and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

8) Draw a tiny black line on your nose.
Make it bigger every day.
Look at it and say,
"The hair, it's growing. Growing!"

7) Buy some knives.
Sharpen them every night.
While you're doing so,
look at your roommate and mutter,
"Soon, soon...."

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room.
Keep one pencil on the other side of the room.
Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your roommate,
"I've got an important message for you."
Then pretend to faint.
When you recover,
say you can't remember what the message was.
Later on,
say,
"Oh, yeah, I remember!"
Pretend to faint again.
Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your roommate is out,
glue your shoes to the ceiling.
When your roommate walks in,
sit on the floor,
hold your head,
and moan.

3) Make a sandwich.
Don't eat it, leave it on the floor.
Ignore the sandwich.
Wait until your roommate gets rid of it,
and then say,
"Hey, where the heck is my sandwich!?"
Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your roommate walks in yell,
"Hooray! You're back!"
as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes.
Afterwards,
keep looking at your watch and saying,
"Shouldn't you be going somewhere?"

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies.
All of a sudden,
act offended,
throw the bowl on the floor and kick it.
Refuse to clean it up,
explaining,
"No, I want to watch them suffer.